Greetings, Dance Fans! Our last blog about the online dating scene was focused on “putting your best foot forward”, and creating your best online dating profile. Now that your online dating profile is live and generating potential matches, let’s move on to responding to those inquiries and going on an actual date!
Congratulations! You took the plunge, and created an online dating profile. And, you took our advice and added Ballroom Dancing to your repertoire before you began – so you’re feeling confident, energized, and oh-so ready for this new adventure! Why do we think ballroom dance lessons can improve your profile, and make you more successful in meeting date partners that are appealing to you? There’s a few good reasons:
- Ballroom dance has so many benefits! Improved health, self-expression, a boost in your social skills etc. can all jump-start your lifestyle, & your success in online dating
- Having a few dance lessons under your belt can add new FUN and energy to your life. As an example, Tango or Salsa are great first dances to try, because they are sexy and fun to dance
- With ballroom dance in your repertoire, you’ll find a new sense of confidence with yourself – and you’ll have a different presence in social situations – and frankly in your life… including when you’re on a date with a new match
Tips for Responding to Online Dating Inquiries
- Only respond to people who interest you. If you post a flattering photo and write a unique, positive profile, chances are you’ll get responses. Only reply to the ones who truly appeal to you. For all the others, no message is the message… it’s kinder (and faster) than saying, “Thanks, but no thanks”
- Avoid Googling a potential match. It’s more fun to learn about your date the old-fashioned way – through conversation – and you won’t risk inadvertently revealing something you shouldn’t know or making presumptions about someone
- Don’t wait to respond. If you have interesting pending matches, respond to them first before messaging new people or making new matches. According to a recent Zoosk survey, people who wait longer than a day to message, have a 24% decrease in response rate
- Keep your response message brief – no more than two paragraphs is ideal:
- Respond to something that was shared by them
- Share something new about yourself
- Ask at least one question the other person can answer
- Leave plenty to talk about on your first date!
- If there’s interest, meet in person quickly. You can’t judge chemistry unless you meet in person, so make plans to meet-up in person after you’ve exchanged a handful of messages. If it’s been a few weeks (or months!) and you’re still emailing someone, then what you have there is a pen-pal, and things probably haven’t progressed beyond that status for a reason.
- Don’t start your response with “Hello”. Because it puts the pressure on them to come up with an entertaining reply! And according to Zoosk, using a greeting like hello or hi gets you fewer messages than jumping right in with something like, “You went to Central High? I did too!” or, even better, “What’s up with all this crazy weather we’ve been having?”
- Yes… talk about the weather. It may seem like a mundane topic, but according to Zoosk, first messages with the word “weather” get 39% more replies. And if the weather is bad, it’s even better! It’s hard to say why this is the case, but it could be that talking about a local, dramatic happening is an easy, universal way to start a conversation.
- Protect your privacy. Keep your address, where you work, and other personal information to yourself during pre-date email messages and phone conversations.
Tips for Your First Date
- Don’t expect too much. You’re meeting a stranger, and chances are you won’t make an instant love connection. So, go with an open mind but don’t get too worked up or fantasize about it in advance, and keep your expectations realistic.
- Don’t date someone just for “practice.” If you’re thinking, “what’s the harm?” in going out with someone you don’t feel strong about, just because you’re in a dry spell… please stop. The harm is that you’re leading someone on, you’re wasting their time AND yours, and you’re potentially creating bad karma in the process. If you aren’t interested, just move on.
- Plan a first date that can be short, sweet, and low-pressure. No one wants to get stuck on a long, drawn-out dinner date with someone they find boring or offensive. Lunch or coffee house dates are good choices – and a ballroom dance lesson might be even better! Use that first date to see if there’s chemistry, and if there is you can plan on a longer or more intimate date the next time.
- Be safe & protect your privacy. You should meet in a public space, and tell at least one friend where you’ll be, and what time you expect to be home again. And keep your address, place of employment, and other personal information to yourself until you’ve gone on at least a few dates. (And yes… you saw this part in the section above, too).
- Keep your options open! Just because you’ve had a few great email exchanges (or even a few fun dates) doesn’t mean you should deactivate your dating account… yet. People are quirky. Early on, before you know someone well there’s a greater chance of them disappearing or simply letting you down. Keep your options open until you’re ready to be exclusive.
- If your date involves spending money, split the tab. You’re both independent grown-ups. You just met. And this isn’t the 1950s.
- Intimacy? Your call! It doesn’t make you morally corrupt, and it likely won’t impact your chances of a relationship. If you’re both single adults, it’s your choice – but if you’d rather not, that’s your choice too. Never be pushed into something that you don’t want.
- If you’re still interested, call them the next day! Please, PLEASE ignore that silly “rule” about waiting three days to get back in touch. If you like someone, there’s zero downside in letting them know. If they’re interested too, they’ll be happy you called. And if they’re not, at least you’ll know.
Remember… it may take many dates to find someone you really like. If your first few dates don’t work out well, it can be easy to get frustrated. Know in advance that it’s extremely unusual to find a good match in just the first few attempts. Recognize that this entire experience is an adventure – it’s not evidence that you – or everyone else – is a loser. Learn from your bad dates, shrug it off and try again. And to maintain confidence, a positive attitude and a strong sense of self – keep dancing all the while… at Fred Astaire Dance Studios!